Mothers and Teenage Boys, Part 1

Posted by Andy Roy on Jul 1, 2012 in Blog | 1 comment

Mothers are one of the true wonders of  the world. Is there anything that compares to a woman lovingly guiding and nurturing her ‘little souls’ through those exciting early years?  The many images of mothers include; selfless giving, that knowing smile, the gentle caress, the soothing voice, the healing hands… and the wise counsel. Mothers really are the definition of devotion, especially when sleep deprived!

Our work with families of teenage boys has been both a privilege & honour, and an amazing learning experience as we have witnessed many mothers engage in the process of letting go of such a significant stage of their lives.  It really is a chapter closing and for some this can be very emotional and painful. It is hard to know what is in the chapters that lie ahead. Fearful thoughts can become a real burden for mums who resist and struggle to trust this phase. This is normal. The pain of childbirth is one kind of mother’s pain, and for many, here is another.

We have great respect for the women who attend our programs and who in their own lives, learn to embrace this big change. We personally wish to honour and acknowledge the great love and the unwavering sacrifice that only a mother can know. As men and fathers, we are in awe of the unwavering compassion and commitment of mothers.

There is a special time in the life of every boy where there is a window of opportunity… and this is often and easily missed. Many parents don’t realise this unique opportunity and what is required here. This stepping away is a call to action for active adults in the boys’ life. It is our hope to shine some light on this often difficult time and assist all to navigate it with courage, awareness and trust.

The Change

This once little boy with such a sparkle in his eyes, begins to change. He no longer thinks, speaks and acts like he used to. For many this change is pronounced and can be shocking to mums who are not ready. It really can be like the grief of a death. Many times on our programs we hear mums say ‘he’s not ready’ when the truth is that he is ready and already on the path, and she is struggling to keep up. As a mother this is such a vital time to be prepared for. Some are indeed ready, they knew this would come. Some knew this would come and thought they were ready, only to realise that the reality is significantly more difficult than anticipated. For some it is a complete surprise.

There is a natural tendency for some mothers to fight it and all too often conflict replaces a previously tender relationship. Home can become a battlefield and a place of significant emotional pain and suffering. Fathers try to step in and often make it worse. Our work with fathers is to support how and when to step in at this time. This does take patience and persistence.

Where we get this wrong today is where men don’t step up, and women won’t let go. It is very challenging for single mums here and this is where using you ‘village’ becomes vital.

Encouraging his independence and identity is important here, as is not taking his behaviour personally. How to do this is important, and is what Powerhouse Programs is all about.

The next two Mothers and Teenage Boys blog posts are accessible here – Post #2 and Post #3.

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